Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
