yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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