It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
