just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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