Jerry, you need to find god
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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