with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
