my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Let's get the cat blown out
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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