the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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