Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
