So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
