I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
