i just wanna soil my oats bro
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
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