For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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