So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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