all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
