I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Found your dick twin last night
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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