I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
