Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
