they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
