Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
