Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
