franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
