So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
