They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
