Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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