Your tits are I can't wait for
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
