Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
