I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
