Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
