Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
sarcasm needs its own font
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
