I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
