I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
