i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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