Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize