i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
