All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
