Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
