In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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