the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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