somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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