Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
