the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
