oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
