Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
