Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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