Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
