1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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