The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize