Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
