is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
