Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm really busy with my period
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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