How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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