Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize