Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My butt remains clenched, sir.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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