and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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