who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
