Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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