Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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