i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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