I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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