I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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