After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
