i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
