This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
