weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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