So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
True college students do jello shots in the library
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
