wrigley field is MILF paradise
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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