New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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