Me too!
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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