I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
