The police scanner is talking about you again....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
