Already got asked if we're dating
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
