After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
