Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
