I wanna passion pit in your ass
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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