her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
